


Colder Weather

by sassenachwaffles



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, wee bit o' angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-03-30 21:54:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13960797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassenachwaffles/pseuds/sassenachwaffles
Summary: 3 years he had been gone - and oh, had things changed





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song 'Colder Weather' by Zac Brown Band. I suggest you listen to the song while you read.

_well it’s a winding road_  
when your in the lost and found  
you’re a lover I’m a runner  
we go ‘round 'n 'round  
and I love you but I leave you  
I don’t want you but I need you  
you know it’s you who calls me back here 

_____________

_He could feel her eyes on him as he turned the ignition on. The car revving to life, the gentle hum of the engine washing out his muffled sobs._

_‘You need to do this, it is not the kind of opportunity you can turn away, Jamie.’_

_‘But, ye canna leave,Claire. Medical school…. I dinna want to go anywhere wi’out ye.’_

_‘Jamie.’ She said, resting her hand over his heart. ‘I’ll always be in here, but you need to do this.’_

_____________

Oh how she had been right — he had needed to do this, but oh, how hard the goodbye was.

“Another coffee, mister?” The waitress asked. Jamie nodded, raising his glass so the lass behind the counter could fill his mug. “It’s three am, what are you doing all the way round these parts?”

Jamie let out a small chuckle. “Drinking away some pain, it seems.” He huffed, grabbing the small flask out of his jacket and pouring a bit of whisky into the cup.

“You like it like the Irish way?” She purred, resting her hands on the countertop.

“I’m a Scot, it’s Scottish whisky. I dinna drink the Irish crap.” He said a little short. He looked up, the lass was pretty, but she wasn’t Claire.

Blonde hair, green eyes, a bit on the shorter side, and clearly interested in him.

“I dinna mean to be rude, ye are a pretty lass….but I am no’ interested in ye.” He quietly said with a smile on his face. “I’m working up the courage to go see the lass who stole my heart a few years ago. She couldna come wi’ me.”

“She’s a lucky lady, whoever she is.” Bridgette replied, grabbing her notepad and going back to the kitchen.

“I think it’s me who was lucky.” Jamie whispered to himself, taking a sip of his coffee.

The coffee was warm down his throat, the whisky liquid courage.

He could remember how she kissed, how she tasted like spearmint every morning before she would run off to class. He could remember the expensive French shampoo that she used— the smell of lavender and honey. 

She had been right, she was always right—it was one of the things he loved about her, her inability to lie to him. He had to go and like a soldier does when war is impending—a soldier straps on his boots and goes, no questions asked.

_‘On your way, soldier.’ The words that had haunted his dreams during their time apart – the way ‘soldier’ had rolled off her tongue as she fought back the tears – tears he wasn’t there to wipe away._

He had done a 3 year tour in Japan, he was entirely a new person. He had the scars on his body as proof from an op that had gone south, rather quickly.

Now he found himself sitting at her favorite diner, fresh off the tarmac. His new mission: to find her, kiss her, and never leave her side again.

He had thought about her every day while he was gone—missed the way she stole the covers every night, missed the way she danced to Tupac in the shower when she thought he wasn’t home, and slept in his boxers every night.

_Oh, how he had missed her._

The hardest part of their parting had been the sheer fact that she couldn’t know where he was or what he was doing. That’s the problem with being in the Special Air Services – secrecy breeds its own kind of hell.

Jamie took another sip of his coffee, finishing the cup and setting it back on the counter.

_“I’m comin for ye, Sassenach.”_

_____________

The city hadn’t changed in his time away. Jamie clutched his jacket to his chest, as he filled his lungs with the cold Scottish air.

He knew Edinburgh like the back of his hand. He meandered through the streets, his footprints the first on the fresh snow.

These streets had been home for so many years but after Japan and the mission to Iran…. He was lucky to be alive.

While he had healed in the military hospital on base, every day he had wished it was Dr. Beauchamp coming in for morning rounds…. Every day had led to disappointment. That it would be her hands to change his bandages, her hands to check his vitals—the ghost of her touch lingered with him every day.

He stopped in the park just around the corner from her place. The cold winter night bringing the aches in his knees out, his left hand sore as he clutched it tightly to his chest.

He stared at her window, the red curtains made it easy to stick out from the dark street corners.

He watched as the sun was rising just over her building, day was breaking. The orange and soft pinks masked by a thin cloud of grey.

It was three streets to the right and two blocks south. That’s all that separated him now.

Jamie drew a breath, the cold air filling his lungs once more as he tucked his head down heading for the hospital.

_____________

His watch read 7:15. Any minute she’d walk out the ED doors. He smiled as he remembered the night shift rotations during her clinicals through med school.

_Her hair would be up in a bun, her lab coat hanging out from the bottom with her oversized black jacket on top. The black thing she called an earmuffs would make her curly mop extra frizzy, and bright red gloves Jenny had knit her on her tiny hands._

He watched from inside the coffee shop window, the shift change happening. The flow of nurses exiting meant the doctors weren’t far behind.

He sipped his coffee slowly, eyes never leaving the doors across the street.

And just like clock work, 7:18, she was there.

The lab coat, the jacket, the earmuffs, the gloves – _Ah Dhia, she hadna changed a bit._

Jamie smiled to himself, zipping his jacket, heading for the door.

He watched as she grabbed her phone from out of her bag, sending a text, and shoving it back into its place. She wrapped her arms around her. The cool, crisp air sending chills down her body.

Jamie glanced across the street, once this taxi was out of his way—there was nothing but a block between them.

Better than the oceans, continents and years it had been.

Placing his first foot firmly on the street he watched as a car pulled up to the curbside – a smile on her face – a man driving the vehicle.

He was tall and slender, black hair, dressed in a suit.

Jamie stopped himself as he watched his Claire, his Sassenach, get into the passenger side – kissing the man on the cheek.

His stomach was in his throat –his heart racing as it simultaneously broke into two.

3 years was a long time—he had changed — she had changed her mind as well.

_“Yer tearing my guts out, Claire.”_ Jamie said to himself as he closed his eyes holding on to the memories of what had been and what would never be.

_____________

_I’m with your ghost again_  
it’s a shame about the weather  
I know soon we’ll be together  
and I can’t wait 'til then 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright ye damn fools, I was convinced to make this into a multi chapter fic. So, without any more twisting of the arm, here's the next chapter. (PS- It's always darkest before the dawn.)

_‘Jenny, it’s me.’ He said into the phone, his voice monotone and cold._

_‘Brother…. Is it truly? Where are ye?’ Jenny said – he could hear the hitch in her voice as she tried to fight back the tears, the anger, the years of longing._

_‘Edinburgh. Just landed last night. I ken there’s a lot I need to fill ye in on, but just dinna ask me any questions right now. My heart canna take it.’_

_‘I’ll be there in an hour.’ Was all she had said as she headed for the door._

_______________

The car ride back to Lallybroch had been silent. His heart ached, driving through the Highland region once more, he should have felt at home, yet he couldn’t have felt further away if he had tried.

“Ye’ve been silent the entire ride home. Ye are quite the shock too. Last we heard…. Jamie, a few months ago the Special Air Services showed up at our door to tell us ye were dead. And now yer here.”

“I… I know, Janet.” Jamie snapped as he put his hands on his head, resting his forehead on the dashboard. “It was an op in Iran. I…Canna give ye many details.”

“National Security, right?”

“Aye.” Jamie half laughed. “A helo went down. I was…. caught in some gunfire. Lucky enough some Navy Seals were with us, they saved us. But I had to be known as deceased for a number of reasons. They told me they werena going to tell my family… But it was leaked to the press….”

“May of last year. I remember seeing it on the news. That was yer accident, dear GOD Jamie. Ye had to go through all that healing and recovery….. _all alone._ ”

“The Taliban had to think I was dead… There was no other way.” 

Jenny pulled the car into the driveway, turning the engine off. She looked up as she saw Ian watching from the window, wee Jamie in his arms. 

Jamie turned to her, his eyes filled with tears, the memories that haunted him at the forefront of his mind.

“Come here, brother. Lay your head.” Jenny comforted him, as he placed his head on her lap, letting the sobs crash over him.

_______________

His sister soothed his battered soul for the time being, only Claire could mend the shattered pieces of his soul back together though - to make him whole again, to truly live.

Once he had let the tears run dry, he sat up, kissing Jenny softly on the cheek.

“I am so glad ye dinna really die on me, Jamie.”

“Me too, lass, me too.”

“Are ye ready to go meet your namesake and see yer brother in-law again?”

“Aye.”

They walked in to the house – and after being gone for years, not a single thing had changed. Lallybroch was just as he remembered it.

“Jamie.” Ian said as he pulled his dearest friend in to a hug. “Ye canna do that again to us, do ye hear?”

“I hear ye, I do. I’m glad to see yer doing well.”

“Better now that yer here with us……” Ian said as wee Jamie wrapped himself around his father’s calf. “Jamie…. I want ye to meet yer Uncle Jamie.”

Jamie smiled as he squatted, sticking his hand out to his nephew. “I’m yer uncle, lad.”

“Unca Jawmie!” The toddler squealed as he threw himself into his uncle’s arms.

“Told ye they were cut from the same Fraser cloth, Jenny.” Ian laughed as Jamie scooped the toddler in his arms and they made their way into the dining room.

_______________

Dinner was served and stories told of war – some good, some bad, and all the in between.

Ian excused himself as wee Jamie threw himself on the floor, pouting over not wanting to go to bed.

“Off with ye.” Jenny said, picking him up from the floor and placing him into his father’s arms.

“Well…” Jamie said as they made their way to the living room. He sat himself down on the couch, stretching out all his extremities.

Jenny sat across from him on the love seat, kicking her feet up onto the coffee table.

“Weel, we have talked out all the small talk. I have a question I am gonna ask ye.”

Jamie rolled his eyes as he laid out on the couch. “I figured ye would ask me.”

“Claire…. Does she ken yer home?”

Jamie closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly.

“She was the first person I went to find, but when I got to the hospital… She got into the car with some man.”

Jenny let out a small chuckle. “Frank.”

“Is it serious?” Jamie said, sitting himself upright and darting his eyes to his sister’s.

“Jamie…. Ye left her… _ye left Claire._ She was pregnant and alone, going through med school. She lost Faith giving birth… And shortly after, I got wind ye had died. She lost a child and then lost you…. The poor lass has barely held it together for the last three years. She’s trying.”

“ _She…. What…. I dinna…_ ” Jamie stammered rising to his feet.

“Ye are a damn fool, Jamie Fraser. Leaving a woman pregnant and then going and dying on her…. I am no’ surprised she’s tried to move on.”

“ _Faith._ ” Jamie croaked, the tears welling in his eyes once more. “Jenny… She never told me.”

“She didn’t?”

“No—otherwise…. Christ. I wouldna have gone, wouldna have done what they wanted….. Faith.” Jamie said as the sobs came over his body once more.

“Och, brother…. She’s buried next to Da and Mam, why don’t ye go meet yer daughter?”

Jamie nodded as he strutted out of the room and made his way up the hill.

_______________

It was a dark, clear night in the Scottish Highlands.

Jamie knelt and kissed his mother’s grave; he smiled and placed his hand on his father’s grave—saying a silent prayer for each of them.

Then just to the right, a small new addition – the child he never got the chance to know.

_Faith Fraser_  
September 2016  
Loved by her mother and father 

“Sassenach, why did ye not tell me?” Jamie whispered to himself as he knelt at his daughter’s grave. “I woulda been there for the two of ye, and now I canna be there for you.”

He stood—taking in the sight before him, and gathering the courage, Claire had to know he was alive. They had to talk, whether it changed things or not, he had to speak to her.

He had to tell her. Tell her loved her— that he always would. He prayed those might be his last words to her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire finally learns the truth that Jamie is alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's always darkest before the storm... Just keep repeating that to yourself.

_when I close my eyes I see you  
no matter where I am_

_______________

He sat in the car, his grasp on the steering wheel like iron. The parking lot was empty, but alas, it was 1AM and here he was.

He had learned from Jenny, who was oddly enough still good friends with Claire, that she was a nightshift fiend.

_‘She likes it… It’s quiet in the hospital and she’s one of the only doctors who loves the overnight. She says it soothes her soul, it is either calm all night or a massive trauma comes rollin’ in. Keeps her mind at bay.’_

It was also the only time Claire would most likely be without him – without Frank.

_‘She met him about four or so months ago. She’s been spending all her free time with him, stopped comin’ over for Sunday dinners. If ye were to ask- me it’s sae she doesna think of ye or Faith. Just a lass trying to fill the large holes in her heart.’_

_Jamie nodded as Jenny had handed him the keys, taking the un-sipped glass of whisky from his hand._

_‘She has a break around 1:20 AM. If ye go there, ask for nurse Geillis to get ye Dr. Beauchamp and that Jenny sent ye. She willna ask questions.’_

And now, the only thing separating him from seeing her was his pride.

_______________

The hospital was quiet—there was no mad rush of patients and he could hear the soft heart monitors in the background of all the rooms. He walked slowly counting each step in his head to the nurse’s desk on the third floor.

“Can I help ye?” A pretty red head asked in her off white scrubs.

“Aye… I am….” Jamie stammered, the nerves getting the best of him as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I am looking for a Dr. Beauchamp, Jenny Murray sent me.”

“Och…. Aye! She told me Claire would be having a visitor tonight. She’s just finishing up some stitches in a room o’er there. I will go get her and have her meet ye in the lobby, say in about ten minutes?”

Jamie smiled, softly nodding in return and sinking into one of the waiting room chairs.

Ten minutes later like clockwork she came striding in.

Her Kelly green scrubs hung off her body—her hair thrown into her attempt at a messy bun—her white lab coat engraved with ‘Dr. C.E. Beauchamp’ right above the pocket—and the newest addition, the bright red converse she had said she would get herself when she graduated medical school. 

_‘It won’t show the blood…. It will not match the scrubs, but at that point, I’ll be a doctor. It won’t matter!’ She had said, showing Jamie which ones she had wanted._

_‘Ye are gonna be the best doctor that hospital has ever seen, Sassenach.’_

“Hi, I’m Dr. Beauchamp… I heard you were looking for me. I am in between patients at the moment but I have a few minutes to spare—“ Claire started as she type away at a message on her phone. Jamie slowly looked up her up from her feet to her eyes. “NO.” She stammered as she finished looking at her screen, taking a few steps back.

“Sassenach.” Jamie breathed softly, rising to his feet.

“No.”

“Sassenach…”

“Do NOT call me that.”

“Claire… I… Ye have to let me explain.” Jamie argued crossing his arms and closing some of the distance between them.

“You BLOODY Scot. You are SUPPOSED to be dead.”

“Well I am not, ye ken that obviously.” Jamie laughed as he shoved his hands into his pockets digging one of heels into the tile floors.

“I ken that.” Claire roared back at him in the best Scottish accent he had ever heard her give.

“Yer impression of me has come a long way.”

“I would fucking hope so. I dreamt of you for nearly three years.”

“Claire… I ken that…. Things are different now. I’m no’ tryin to change that…. All I am askin is that ye hear me out. Please…. It’s the least ye can do, for Faith.” Jamie pleaded as he drew his tear filled eyes up to hers.

Claire shifted in her stance, backing into the wall and sliding onto the floor. “How did you find out?” She breathed into her hands, his favorite curl falling out of her bun, as it hung just above her splotchy red colored face.

“Jenny.” Jamie said, sitting himself on the floor next to her. “Please… Can we just, talk for a little bit.” 

And just like it was yesterday, his hand found his way to her face, the backside of his fingers tracing her cheekbones—slowly pushing the stray curl behind her ear.

She peaked up at him from behind her hands, a soft, heartbroken, look on her face. For a moment, it was just the two of them and those 3 years of separation had not happened.

But as fast as it had come—it was over. She pushed his hand off her face, rising to her feet.

“I have to go round on a patient that just came into the ED. Meet me out in the courtyard in twenty minutes… We can talk there.”

_______________

His favorite conversations with her had always been at two am—they used to be naked, wrapped around each other, under the stars in her apartment—but oh, had times changed.

He found her, sitting on a picnic table; her hands shoved into her pockets, her hair loose around her face.

“Ye look tired. Long shift?” Jamie asked, leaning against a tree directly across from her.

“You could say that.” Claire said, the terseness in her tone evident. “I have questions.”

“Aye, and ye think I dinna have any myself?”

“You ACTUALLY think you’re in a place to be asking the questions.”

“Of course, I am, Claire. She was my child too.”

“You DON’T get to remind me when you LEFT me here. ALL ALONE.” Claire said the tone in her voice rising.

“That is NOT fair, Sassenach. Ye knew who I was….what I was when we met that night… Plus, YOU were the one who told me to go.”

“I told you to go because it was the right thing to do. I didn’t actually think you’d listen to me!” Claire yelled as she got up and closed the distance between them. He could feel her breath on his lips, the scent of her mint lip balm and coffee just a few inches away.

He was boiling now—the years of pent up frustration, anger, torment, longing and heartache, all laid out before both of them. The life of a child they would never know laid out before them as well.

He pushed himself off the tree and straightened his back and bringing his face closer to hers—now just centimeters apart. He placed his hands on her shoulders gripping her tightly. He could feel her pulse in the palm of his hands.

“CHRIST. CLAIRE.” Jamie said, gripping her tighter and giving her a rattling shake. “YE KNEW THAT YE MIGHT HAVE BEEN PREGNANT. YE CANNA TELL ME THE THOUGHT DIDNA CROSS YER MIND BEFORE YE TOLD ME TO GO. YER A DOCTOR FOR CRYIN’ OUT LOUD.”

He watched as her blue eyes filled with fear. He had never been physical with her, nor showed her this darker side of himself.

“If I had told you…. Would you still have gone? Would it have changed anything?” She pleaded. She shuddered as he loosened his grasp on her, but he didn’t fully remove his hands from her petite frame.

“I canna…. I canna say.”

“You would have gone, Jamie. You would have. You’re loyal to your country and to your unit. It’s one of the things I love about you…. How you put everyone before yourself…. Nothing would have changed…. She still… Would not be here with us.”

“Sassenach.” He breathed, resting his forehead on hers. “Ye said _‘love about you’_ , that’s no’ past tense…”

“Jamie…. We ca—“ She started, but stopped, as she placed her lips softly on his. She ran her tongue over his top lip, slowly but surely, remembering a touch she had yearned for, for so many years. But just as fast as she had kissed him—she had stopped. “I will always love you Jamie- but….” Claire replied, leaving him breathless in the middle of the courtyard.

“But is it enough to change things?” He finished for her—wondering just how much more his battered soul could take.

_______________

_I know soon we'll be together_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank YOU for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire deals with the aftermath of learning Jamie is still alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *deep breaths, it WILL get better.... deep breaths!*

I didn’t know what I felt. 

Nearly two years ago I mourned the loss of someone I would never get the chance to know. A few months later I mourned the loss of the one person I loved most in the entire world. 

Both had been lost to me, forever. 

The broken pieces I had become in that state had somehow mended themselves back together— not fixed, but functioning. That’s all I had to do— function, breath, exist. 

_Existing wasn’t necessarily living._

I knew that — Jenny knew that— that is what she had said I had been doing.

_‘Ye mourned the loss of a bairn, and then the love of your life. Ye’ll never be the person ye were, Claire. But by the grace of God ye may find peace again. But he would want ye to push forward, to live a life. As best ye can, even wi’ out him.’_

And just like the sun rises and sets every day, I had simply begun to exist— day in and day out, one day at a time.

_Work. Sleep. Cook. Laundry. Work. Repeat._

It had been nearly 10 months of a monotonous routine —ten months of a black hole, an abyss of an endless night I could not seem to wake up from. 

Yet tonight, I found the broken pieces I had been to be shattered to once more in ten thousand fragments in front of me. 

He had been alive — this whole time — whatever had happened, whatever he had been through, I didn’t know. He had to go through it all alone.

_I would have been there for you, you stubborn Scot!_

I let the water run down my face, drowning out my tears. 

_It still wouldn’t have changed anything. ___

____

_______________

The water pounded on my back, the hot water steaming all around me, keeping me warm as the permanent chill had been set into my bones since my visitor.

_What does this mean? Where do we go from here? How do we move forward from here? Does he hate me — would he hate me because, it’s all my fault she’s not here with us?_

My thoughts racing a mile a minute, I was brought back to reality by a small knock on the door. 

“Claire.” I heard loud over the sound of the shower, but still quiet. “The front door was open, and you weren’t answering your phone.” 

“Frank!” I said, turning off the shower. “I’m just finishing up, give me five minutes and I’ll be out there.” 

“Alright, I will be waiting in the living room.” I heard as he slipped away.

_______________

Uncle Lamb had once told me about the difference between love and lust. Men were always going to be attracted to women and vice versa. It basic human interaction thanks to hormones and chemical balances in the brain. As a doctor, I knew the physiological response one could have when they found the opposite sex attractive.

The thing is though— when you love someone with your entire soul, your entire being— and they love you like that in return… There’s no one else in the world that is going to give you the same feeling. And that, was not love or lust, that was simply, Jamie. 

Frank was an in-between category for me. I was attracted to him, enough, but I was not completely in love with him. I loved the idea of him — the safety net of who he was and a life I could possibly have built with him— before Jamie had shown up again. 

I had met Frank through some friends from school and we had been seeing each other for just over 6 months. I had talked it through with Jenny- Was I ready? Would I ever be ready? And she had encouraged me to try. 

Frank was smart, sophisticated, ambitious, and a gentleman for all intents and purposes. He was safe. I had told him about Jaime one night after a bottle of red wine — it was what would have been his birthday— and Frank had simply asked me. 

_‘Are you over him?’_

_I had placed my hand on his, kissing his cheek softly._

_‘Jamie is dead and gone Frank.’_

I had never said I would be over him — because I could never, would never be over Jamie. 

We had never mentioned his name since. 

But the answer to that question would always be no.

_______________

“I’m sorry, Frank. It was…. a rather interesting shift.” I said tersely as I walked into the living room.

“I figured you had endured a bad shift when you texted me saying you would rather have walked home than me giving you a ride. I just wanted to see you since I won’t be back until later this week.” Frank said as he stood from the couch taking a few steps to me. 

I couldn’t handle the idea of being touched- like I was a piece of fragile glass that was going to break at any given second. Taken aback, I took a few staggered steps back. Frank sensed this and saw the apprehension on my face and stopped in his tracks.

“Are you alright, Claire?” Frank asked as the question was evident in his tone and face.

“I think… Frank… You should sit… We need to talk.” I responded.

“What is it?” He asked as he sat back down on the couch.

“Do you remember, a few months ago when we first started seeing each other….” I started slowly. I stopped for a second as I saw the wheels in his head start to piece it together.

I had never seen Frank angry, at least not directed towards me, and didn’t want today to be the first. 

“I asked if you’d ever…” he paused as his head cocked to one side and his weight shifted. _“It’s him, isn’t it?”_ Frank stammered as he stood from the couch once more, his hands clenched into fists by his side. 

“Yes.” I said, honestly. 

“I asked you, months ago, if you were over him.” 

“You did.” I nodded with a soft smile. 

“You said you were.” Frank said calmly as he released his left fist from the ball he had formed. 

“No—Frank, I had said that he had been dead and gone.” 

“That is the same thing, is it not?” 

I laughed and it took him back for a minute. “No…. It is _definitely_ not the same thing.” 

“So you’re not, after all these months of being together….. You could have told me sooner!” Frank said, the anger in his tone rising. 

“Things….. Have changed…. He’s not dead like I thought!” I yelled back at him. I was furious now, at Jamie, at myself, at Frank – I was angry over lost years, lost chances, lives that had been lost—angry at everything that had happened to me. I could feel the fire rising in my cheeks, my heart pounding a mile a minute-- I grabbed the book-end from the shelf in front of me, chucking it at Frank. “He’s alive and came to see me!” 

I watched as Frank took a deep breath, closing his eyes and readjusting his glasses. 

“With time….. With more time, might you have forgotten him?” He asked— I could see the plea on his face, the months of hurt I had caused him — living a half lie, existing. Using him as a band-aid to cover the remnants of my broken heart. 

The tears filled my eyes as the answer to the question I had not been expecting to ask myself again became all too clear. The answer was always him, it always would be him.

“That amount of time doesn’t exist.” I said as I wrapped one arm around my waist the other wiping a tear from my face. 

“Goodbye, Claire.” Frank said quietly, detached from emotion as he grabbed his keys from the coffee table.

I collapsed into the wall, letting the tears over come me. 

I didn’t know how — or if— I, if we, could fix it. But I had to try.

_Jamie, my Jamie, my Scottish highlander._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can leave nasty notes, it will get better!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie gets a visitor at Lallybroch -- where all ties are mended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is! The last installment of this little journey. I hope you enjoy!

He was sullen as he sank into the sofa. He heard Jenny’s footsteps upstairs, finishing putting young Jamie to bed. 

He took a sip of his whisky, the fireplace warming his shins. Jenny crept down the stairs and he felt her small hands as she placed them on his shoulders. 

“Are ye alright, brother?” Jenny asked as she rubbed his shoulders for a second then made her way around the couch, sitting down next to him.

“Aye, I think so…. Time will tell.” 

“Weel, I have some good news I think ye’d like to hear.” Jenny said. Jamie smiled softly as he turned his face towards his sister. 

“What is it, Jenny?” Jamie asked passing his glass to his sister. Jenny smiled, shaking her head at him. He looked at her, puzzled, but putting it all together. “Am I to be an uncle, again?” 

“Yes. A wee lass, I’m due in about 5 months. We didna want to tell ye, but ye look like ye could use some good news…” 

“I could, thank ye.” Jamie said, a true smile on his face for the first time since he had come home. He reached over, placing his hand on his sister’s small swelling stomach, and giving his niece a kiss. “I’m yer Uncle Jamie, lass.” 

“I expect some good foo—“ Jenny stopped as there was a knock on the door. “Ah dhia who could that be it is a bit late and Lallybroch is not in the city….” She got up walking to the door, opening the front door. “Oh… Dear…” 

Jamie took another sip of his whisky as he turned to the door to see who the guest was. 

“I’m sorry it’s so late… But, I just… I need to talk to him, I am assuming he is here.” A soft, familiar voice said in the entry way. 

“I—uh, think it is time I retire for the night. Ye ken your way around.” Jenny said. He watched as Claire took the step into the house as Jenny escaped up the stairs. 

Jamie’s eyes tracked her as she rounded the corner into the living room. 

Her eyes were red and puffy, her eyes sunken into her face. Her face was a splotchy mess of reds and pinks. She had been crying—correction – she had been sobbing for what appeared to be hours. 

_It was all his fault._

_“Jamie.”_ She breathed as she wrapped her arms around her stomach. “It’s all my fault… I am sorry… I am sorry Faith isn’t here, it is all my fault.” He watched as whatever strength she had left to get her to him finally broke—the dam’s release opening the floodgates. 

He was up and had his arms around her in record time. Nothing mattered anymore—not the years spent apart, not the heartbreak, not the loss, nothing else mattered in the world except for the two of them. 

“Sassenach.” He breathed into her hair as he sank to the floor, pulling her onto his lap. Her entire body frame fitting to his like a glove. “It is no’ yer fault…. It’s no one’s fault. Ye ken that well, I know ye do.” 

“But… Jamie…. It’s…. all so much, I feel so much…” Claire said as she clenched a fistful of his shirt into her hand. 

_“Sassenach.”_ He replied, the tears forming in his own eyes. 

“I missed you calling me that.” She half laughed through her tears. 

“I missed calling ye that.” Jamie croaked back, tilting her face up to his. “Claire…. I would verra much like to kiss ye, may I?” 

Her eyes looked up to his, a shimmer of hope in them appearing through her tears. She nodded, “You may… And Jamie… You need to know, it’s always been you.” 

He smiled as he claimed his mouth on hers. She tasted of salt, hints of whisky, her favorite peppermint lip balm, and home. 

“You’ll always be home, Sassenach.” Jamie replied as the shattered pieces of his heart mended together.d

______________ 

**3 Years Later**

He watched as she ran through the hills, her red hair sticking out amongst the greens and browns of the Highlands. 

He felt her rubbing circles on his knees as she was lying between his legs, her large stomach protruding further than he ever thought possible. Her medusa-like curls a mess on his chest. 

“Brianna Fraser – watch yourself or you will skin your knee, again!” Claire bellowed as she tried to sit up right to correct her daughter. 

“Let me help ye up.” Jamie laughed as he went to stand up.

“No you don’t, Jamie. We’re staying right here. I’m way too large to move and your child is currently doing somersaults in my womb and your backrub is saving my life.” Claire responded as she pressed her back firmly into his chest and laughed. 

“It’s a good thing Bree’s father is a true Scot, aye? We can see the red hair from a mile away.” Jamie said as he ran his hands up and down his wife’s back.

“It’s a true miracle.” Claire smiled as she turned her head up towards her husband. 

“All of it, Claire, all of it. Thank ye, for the bairns, all three of them. And being my wife. I ken it wasna an easy road to get to here…But I am grateful for it, for all of this.” He said as he tilted his head down and kissed her, wrapping his arms around her belly. 

“I love you.” Claire said as Bree ran up and nudged her way between the two of them. 

“Ye little fool, ye canna hurt yer mam and baby brother like that! Remember, Da told ye to be gentle!” Jamie said as he pulled the toddler into his arms, putting some distance between him and Claire. 

Claire laughed as she turned herself around, resting her weight on her arms. Bree pulled herself into a small ball as she sat on Jamie’s lap and he kissed her forehead. 

He watched as the sun was sinking under the Scottish highlands. Bree used her clammy hands as she patted both his cheeks. He laughed— looking over to his wife, who had thrown her head back, closing her eyes, basking in the sun. 

He was thankful for every moment, every detour and hardship that had brought him here. 

Faith wasn’t with them, and he would always love and miss her, but as the golden hues of the sun highlighted Bree’s red hair and reflected in his wife’s blue eyes, he knew she was watching over them— sending the warmer weather for the rest of their lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you the angst pays off! I hope you all enjoyed this journey as much as I had writing it.

**Author's Note:**

> As always THANK YOU for reading!


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